Charisma is a quality that many desire, and many believe that you either have charisma or you don’t. I whole- heartedly disagree. Charisma can be developed just as other personality traits can be developed. What you need to succeed is a strategy and practice. I wasn’t always the most charismatic person. I built my charisma into my being by practicing several strategies and most importantly, by practicing being aware of myself and others during social interactions. Remember: Change can only be made once you are aware there is a problem.
I believe that there is good reason that the words karma and charisma are so close in both spelling and sound. I believe a large part of building charisma lies in both putting out and attracting positive energy. Have you ever met a negative person whom you would consider charismatic? I highly doubt it. Charismatic people don’t put out negative energy by complaining, gossiping, or by being rude and depressing. The first thing you must do to build charisma is to stop putting out negative energy. Be magnetic, put out that which you wish to attract. This is simply the Law of Attraction effectively used. A large part of being charismatic is not about you, but how you make other people feel. If you make others feel good, then those people with contribute good energy (karma) to your energy.
Presence is the most important tool in your charismatic arsenal. What do I mean by being present? I mean to give yourself completely to the person/people you are engaging in conversation with. Turn off that constant mental chatter and become the observer, the listener. People love to talk, and feeling listened to makes people feel valued. How many times have you spoken to someone and they constantly checked their phone, or kept looking around, contributing nothing more to the conversation then short responses? Did they make you feel valued? What kind of thoughts (energy) did you have about them (send them) afterwards?
When you add value to another person’s life; they will automatically start to like you, and in turn, value you. If another person likes you, then they think or say good things about you, thus sending you positive energy.
It is important to be aware of the kind of energy other people are sending you, but to not seek validation from the opinions of others. Be your own source of validation. Be confident. Some people are trapped in negative thought patterns and no matter what happens, these people will continue to be negative. Do not be disheartened when a negative person speaks ill of you or does something that hurts or offends you. Remember: The way a person speaks and acts is a direct reflection of the relationship with their self. So don’t take anything personally, another person’s opinion isn’t worth your inner peace.
Confidence shows comfort with yourself. Most people are not comfortable with themselves and thus are attracted to those who are comfortable with themselves. A person who isn’t comfortable with their self can never be magnetic, they are too concerned with the fear of rejection to be present and open. If you aren’t too confident already, don’t freak out!
APPROACH AND TALK
How do you build confidence? Approach and talk to people. Who? ANYONE! Go out and talk to people, the guy you’re standing next to in line at the grocery store, the old lady at the mall, or that cute girl at the bar. This is a sure- fire way to build confidence. Get over yourself, toss your ego out the window and approach people. Get rejected, have those awkward experiences and sooner or later you will move past your social anxiety.
Soon you’ll start networking and having more interesting days because you’re meeting new people and having new experiences. My friends are always telling me that I have the craziest experiences with people, but there’s nothing special about me. I feel comfortable around people and they can sense this, so I often have random people approach and talk to me as well.
Alright, so you have a strategy for developing confidence, but there’s one thing missing isn’t there? WHAT DO I SAY? My answer: Say anything you want as long as you’re genuine. This is the key. People can tell when you’re not being genuine and it will make them uncomfortable. That is a sure way to have many awkward experiences. Compliment people, just be genuine. Start really observing people and noticing things about them and you’ll find it’s not hard to find something you like about that random person at the store. There is always an interesting conversation starter if you are observant enough to notice it. Also be humorous, humor can blow down defenses and create comfortability with others.
“As above, so below; as below, so above.” – The Kybalion. Use the Law of Correspondence to influence your body language. Be open. Don’t be closed off to people when you talk to them, they will consciously or unconsciously sense you’re uncomfortable. Make good eye contact. When people feel seen, they feel valued. Don’t let your gaze wander, it shows that your mind is wandering, and that you don’t value the person you’re talking to enough to give them your full attention. And last, but not least importantly, smile! Be comfortable, inside and out!